Dear Pochay,
I thought I felt better already. I'm wrong. The jaded feeling in the pit of my stomach is lingering. Anxiety comes and goes. Granted there's still communication, it just isn't the same as before. It has significantly diminished. Neither of us are talking about it---if it's even indeed something to talk about. I am torn between bringing it up or just leaving it be. I was a lot better yesterday than today. I seem to have taken a tiny step back, for whatever reason.
I thought I felt better already. I'm wrong. The jaded feeling in the pit of my stomach is lingering. Anxiety comes and goes. Granted there's still communication, it just isn't the same as before. It has significantly diminished. Neither of us are talking about it---if it's even indeed something to talk about. I am torn between bringing it up or just leaving it be. I was a lot better yesterday than today. I seem to have taken a tiny step back, for whatever reason.
I know you already know this but you have been so amazing with lifting my spirits up so I am forever grateful I have you in my life. Thank you for always listening <3
I grabbed "traffic" drinks with a guy friend last night. We have the same route going home and we both knew we're stuck in the same traffic so he asked if I wanted to grab drinks. I planned on hanging out just for a little bit but that little bit turned into 4 hours. We both lost track of time from catching up and laughing our asses off from whatever topic came up in our convo. It helped take my mind off things that's been bothering me.
Whenever I go through a heartache, I normally prefer NOT to be in the company of another male. I don't find it helpful especially when I feel like I'm doing it out of spite. I inevitably compare and I find all the more reason to think of the other person. Regardless of who it is (with the exception of Jeremy Jauncey), at the end of the day, I am still heartbroken and still feel unwanted by the person I care about. When I get to that state, I lose interest and the person I am with will be able to read right through me and will probably not want to be around me OR I have to sit there and force myself to smile. Neither is good. Last night, however, did not feel that way. It didn't even occur to me. I just simply hung out with a friend and I enjoyed catching up. I only checked my phone twice just to see if papa called, other than that, my phone stayed in my purse. It means I wasn't bored. Haha. I don't like him in a romantic way, for the record.
Work felt slow today. Wish I was busier cause idle mind = anxiety. I feel kind of boxed in. It's gloomy outside cause a storm is about to hit. Extreme wind and rain. My cousin and I are planning on watching 50 shades darker tonight. I am not fully sold on it but she has been so excited so I have to keep my promise. We were suppose to watch on Vday but I was definitely not in the right state to be watching something like that. I don't think I still am.
Been binge watching prank videos I found on Facebook. It's been giving me temporary relief. It's now 3:45 pm and the storm is supposed to hit in an hour. I am not sure how I feel about still going to the movies. My anxiety is just shooting up the roof.
As if my anxiety needs more fuel, there a few things on my plate I am waiting answers on. The waiting game is definitely cruel.
I'm such a sob right now. I hate this. 
